


Matters of the Heart

by Lordofdeathn



Series: Life of a Commander [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, obviously, ooc bellamy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:33:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4495503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lordofdeathn/pseuds/Lordofdeathn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Ice Nation was destroyed. Peace has been established. No more war. Now two leaders are left to question their feelings for each other.</p><p>Will it be a happy ever after or one more broken tale?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wondering Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the requested continuation of "I do, I'm Here, I'm Gone" 
> 
> Hope it lives up to your expectations. As always expect fast updates.

Clarke

Lexa left a week ago, its been two weeks since the fall of the Ice Nation. peace has been worked into and for the first time in a century. There is no war.

Well, No physical war anyway. Lexa's departure has left Clarke in a grumpy mood. And she isn't dumb, she knows why. She gets a clench in her chest every time she thinks of the girl. It hit her a few days after the Commanders departure to the Boat Clan that it hurts even more to be away from the girl then to love her.

Of course the fact that she's 100% in love with the girl hasn't left a great impression on her married life. Again, her heart constricts when she thins about the marriage. Not the fact that she got married, no that would excite her. It's the growing knowledge of that the person who was at the other side of the aisle wasn't the right person. And she doesn't know how to feel about that.

Bellamy is a good guy, not forcing her to do anything or trying to change her to fit his wishes. And maybe that's enough. Maybe the distance and the time will be enough to forget these feelings for the Commander. She knows she won't stop caring for the girl. Especially after what happened to Kaiden. She was sad about what happened to him, he was a good guy.

It also didn't help when she found out he was the one Lexa sent to watch her, protect he when she left Camp Jaha that long time ago. She would be long dead if not for him. No she won't stop caring for the Commander. But maybe she could stop being in love with her.

She's been throwing herself into work, mainly in medical. Helping with scraped knees and small cuts. One time a broken arm from a guard who thought he could out climb and Trikru warrior. _Idiot_. But even with the small distraction work gave her and the romantic gesture Bellamy did. One thing always fought through to her One thing always broke through to the forefront of her mind every time she tried to barricade it out. And that was green eyes and plump lips and the girl who won't leave her heat without taking it with her.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa has been gone for two months now. From what Clarke has heard she has been helping on the boats. The other generals have given her as much time as she wants, they need to vote for a new Chief General anyway, Clarke thinks it might be Indra. She hopes it is, or if not her then someone as open minded as the last one. One that won't try to get the Skaikru killed.

The voting's take at least a month. Another month of peace for Lexa, Clarke finds herself getting butterflies at the thought of seeing the young Commander again. Two months and she still hasn't shaken the feelings, in fact she's pretty sure they've gotten stronger. What was that saying? the one about distance and feelings growing stronger? she can't remember. (I would have put it in if i myself remembered it)

She's been spending more time with Raven lately. Octavia has been busy with the Grounders. The Mechanic is a pleasant distraction, from both the girl who haunts her mind and the boy her tries to command her heart. She's growing feelings for Bellamy, this is true, maybe it will be enough soon. She doesn't know if she wants it to or not. But theirs been a distance between the two lately, he's hiding something from her but she hasn't confronted him on it. Not yet.

Raven appears to be happy with Wick. It's an interesting relationship. The annoy each other as much as they care for each other. But Clarke can see Raven is happy. And that's good enough for her. Plus Wick is a nice guy, once you get through the cocky part. 

It's a few days later when she's exiting the Mechanic's safe haven. Said Mechanic by her side when she sees her. she recognizes her from the Mountain. Echo? Bellamy spoke highly of the girl. How she had helped him escape and how they've stayed friends despite the distance between homes. However, the way they lean into each other, the way she smiles and the way he lights up when she laughs. Maybe she found his secret. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa

The boat  _"The Hercules"_ named after an old demi god of ancient times. Starts the golden mile back home.  _Home,_ Lexa thinks, Where exactly is that? Polis? will it still feel like home without him?. TonDC? maybe, but she is unsure if she can handle seeing Clarke in Bellamy's arms. she sighs, home is where you heart goes when your not there. And the only place Lexa's heart goes is to a certain blonde. 

The sea air is fresh and salty and perfect. She remembers her first time seeing it when she was 8 summer old. 

_"KAIDEN! LOOK!" the small brunette jumps over the wooden railing of the docks. Landing softly in the smooth dry sand. Before bolting forward to the water edge. She hears a muffled thud and know he followed. Her thoughts are confirmed when he stands beside her. Both share a look of utter awe at the vast sea. The dark blue of the ocean, one she attains is now her favourite colour. The power it designates is powerful. A mighty beast that no matter how much you travel it will remain unconquerable. A vastness that hides many dangers and mysteries and bows to no one._

_"Wow" Kaiden breathes. Wow indeed. Lexa thinks. Both of them ditch their armour, luckily it was only light. And slowly walk to the water. She doesn't know why but she's scared all of a sudden. And grasps his hand expecting him to walk back with her, but he doesn't. She looks at him at sees nothing but confidence._

_"It's OK Lex. I won't let it take you. we can go in slowly" It soothes her worries knowing he is there, that he will take care of her. And she nods. Slowly, they make their way forward. Lexa's hands holding his gloved ones. The gloves stop halfway up his fingers. The touch is enough to keep her grounded. And her feet touch the water. It's cold, but they keep going. Her fear subsides for the utter excitement of her first time in the water and in no time at all their both jumping around. Splashing water at each other, feeling light as if they could float away._

_And for the briefest of times they weren't important. They weren't soldiers in training, they weren't destined for leadership and sacrifice. They were simply Kaiden and Lexa. Two kids living instead of surviving. Just two kids with a small amount of time to 'BE' kids._

She smiles fondly at the memory. The pain of the loss won't go away, she knows this. He was to big a part of her life to go out silently. It won't go away but it will fade. As the past two months have proved. She remembers what Clarke told her, the small consoling she allowed before she left. "Don't think about what you've lost. Think about what you had. Remember the good and not the bad." And she has, at first they hurt. But the pains numbs over time. And it makes her smile now. The memories. She was endlessly thankful he was in her life. She could have gotten a worse cousin. Knows for a fact he could have been worse especially after his parents, but he wasn't. He was what she needed in her life. He was what got her through and for that. She will always be thankful.

But she won't let it destroy her, he wouldn't want that. She will fix herself. It won't be easy but she won't let him die for nothing. Won't throw away a life that he gave her a second chance at. In place of his own. No, she will live her life more fuller. She will rejoice in this peace and finally indulge in some of her desires. Be a little selfish for once. It's a time of peace. A time of celebrating. A time of living. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke

Another broken arm. At least this time it wasn't as embarrassing as falling out of a tree in a failed sense of pride or stupidity. This time it was because he was attacked by a boar and barely avoided getting impaled. Luckily he went under it and not into it or they would be setting up a pyre. Lexa is coming back tomorrow. She hears she is already on her way back to TonDC and she will decide from there where to go. 

She wonders if she'll go see her. Go wait for her in TonDC. Or whether she should stay here, and if she does she wonders if Lexa will come see her. She finds herself liking the idea of Lexa making the journey to see her. She decides she will go to TonDC tomorrow. She wants to see the girl. Her feelings for the girl seem to be just as stubborn as the Commander herself. So she gets off early. Jackson says he will cover the extra three hours for her. He's become quite good in both Ark and Grounder medicines alike.

Maybe it was fate messing with her, her split feelings for the girl of the ground and the boy of the sky. Or maybe it was one of the Gods the Grounders pray to. Because if the Commander hadn't been returning the next day. If Clarke hadn't got the impulse to suddenly go home and pick out an outfit. Then she probably wouldn't have seen it, wouldn't have found out. What she saw when she entered her apartment.

Was first, dirty blonde hair. Then when the mystery girl moved her head. Clarke could see her lips attached to the mouth of  _him._ It was Echo, lips crashed into Bellamy's. And Clarke has seen enough movies to know she shouldn't jump to conclusions, maybe she's kissing him against his will. Because it's her feelings for  _him_ is what has kept her feelings for  _her_ at bay. But it isn't. He softly moves his hands to her hips, pulls her  _closer_ instead of pushing her  _away._ She's being cheated on.... _again._

Memories of Finn which once was painful, is now only a small pang, thread back in. Of finding out about Raven, the heartbreak she felt. And the one she feels now. And she wants to run, to run away from here and never look back but she doesn't know where to go. Doesn't know who to go to. No, she knows who. She wants to run to Lexa. Run straight into the girls strong arms and hide away from this world. Because she's the only one. She's never lied to Clarke. Yes she betrayed her, but she never lied. And with the betrayal it wasn't really her choice, her feelings or hundreds of lives. Easy choice.  unlike What Finn did and what Bellamy is currently doing the Betrayal hurt Lexa more then it hurt Clarke. It wasn't because of selfish desire. In fact Lexa's betrayal was one of utter selflessness. She's the only one who's never lied to Clarke and that's what Clarke wants. It's what she needs.

So when Bellamy finally notices her standing wide eyed in the doorway. When he says her name softly. 

She runs.

She runs and she runs and she runs. Out the Ark through the worried workers and out the gates. She runs until her lungs burn in need of oxygen. When her feet hurt by how hard she's pounding them into the ground. When sweat starts sliding down her forehead in fatigue. And when she finally stops she breathes. And it hurts, because once again she was cheated on. Once again she was used. Lied to and deceived. Finn, Wells, Abby, Wallace the list goes on and the only person she wants to go to isn't here. She wants to be held and comforted. Needs it because she can't breathe. She needs Lexa.

She thinks of the wedding. Of Bellamy at the end of the aisle. Of Lexa standing to the side of the alter. Kaiden by her side. And she finds herself regretting it. Regretting marrying Bellamy. Wishing Bellamy was not on the end of the alter. That it was Lexa instead because she doesn't know how but she knows Lexa wouldn't cheat on her. Maybe it's her ancient time chivalry or the fact that Clarke is the only one left that she lets in. And that alone makes her feel special. Lexa always made her feel like she mattered. 

She made up her mind now. Her heart won. Lexa was the one. She was the one who could help her. Who could love her and not betray her in the matter that Finn and Bellamy have. It won't be as easy as what Bellamy was. It would be more dangerous but danger of getting hurt is what makes it worth it. Makes loving someone worth it. She will divorce Bellamy the second she gets back. He can have Echo. Nothing he says will make her change her mind now. She has her heart and mind set on Lexa. She doesn't care any more of what her mother would think or what the others would think. Lexa is sweet and caring and is ten times a better person then those of the Ark. 

She finds it funny that it doesn't hurt as much as it should to have your husband cheat on you, she almost laughs at how the thought of Lexa is enough to calm the pain. That on itself says enough. Bellamy was never going to be the one, especially now. 

But now she's feeling nervous. Because they have spent time away and Clarke has been married. And even though her feelings for the girl have only gotten stronger that doesn't mean Lexa's have. Clarke definitely regrets marrying Bellamy. Because not only has it turned out to be for nothing but maybe Kaiden would still be alive. She knows its not her fault but guilt still sets in because not only is he gone but its done damage to Lexa.

Clarke can only hope that Lexa's feelings haven't changed because right now she really needs the girl.

Her heart and mind have finally decided together for once. She will love Lexa.

Hopefully the girl still loves her back.

 


	2. That feeling of Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2. The Return of Lexa and company. The aftermath of the Belecho cheating and the fury of a Griffin. And maybe the tiniest Cameo by Jude and Jay. next chapter  
> Read it Carefully you 2 ^^^^^ ^^^^^^

Lexa

The salty air breeze of the sea was a welcome change, it was free of guilt and full of welcome change. But nothing is like the cool air of the forest. The breeze of home. The Capital of the boat clan. Venice. Named after a floating city of before the bombs. Gave Lexa much needed relief. She wasn't Heda there. She was Lexa. She allowed herself to act selfishly for once. Doing things for herself.

One of those things was, dealing with certain desires. For briefest moments she could forget. Forget about the world, war, politics and other troubling issues and just focus on the room she was in. And the girls she shared the bed with for the night. They would get bragging rights about being bedded by the Commander. She took brunettes and redheads but never Blondes. They were to familiar, and she knew where her mind would go if she tried to bed one. 

One of the other good things was Athena. The brunette girl riding beside her. Her hair catching the wind slightly as the forest breeze comes in. She was beautiful. And Lexa found her sharing a tent with the girl more then once. She was connected to the girl, a certain familiar connection she's only ever had once. And she has all the desire to keep it. So when she accepted Lexa's offer to accompany her back to TonDC. Lexa was happy. 

Of course there was only one thing on her mind. Blue eyes and blonde hair, and a bold confidence that first captured her attention. She wondered if the blonde would be happy to see her, she wondered if they could still stay friends. If it would hurt to see her in his arms. She sighed internally as the wedding came back. She didn't let memories of what happened after the wedding sneak in. Hasn't been enough time yet for her to look back at those without crying, she wonders if she ever could. 

She remembers the smile Clarke had. The utter beauty she displayed in the stark white dress. Her favourite part though, was the spark. The spark that took a year for Lexa to retrieve. The spark that returned to those sea blue eyes that Lexa first fell in love with. The spark returned and Lexa would always be happy as long as it stayed, and would always fight to retrieve it if it vanished. 

TonDC comes into view. Lexa looks to her side and sees a small fond smile on the girls lips. She remembers the memories of late nights and at times sounds of pleasure that always made Lexa blush. The time they had in Polis, so long ago and yet not so. But her thoughts are disrupted by the roar of her people and the approaching welcoming party.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke

_1 Day earlier_

She found her way back eventually. She didn't know exactly what she was going to do, or what awkward conversation or seething argument awaited her. All she knew was. One, She is going to divorce Bellamy. Two, She couldn't wait till Lexa returned. She could get her away from the Ark, away from Bellamy and Echo and the cold clutches of the metal corridors and rooms and take her into safety. Take her to a place she can see the girl everyday, See her Grounder friends more. Into the warm, free expanses of tents and stony buildings. 

She remembered the last time Lexa hugged the girl, before she left. She held her tight as if she was saying goodbye a lot longer then two months and more like permanently. Maybe in a way she was. Maybe it was her way of letting her go, to be with Bellamy. Maybe she thought she lost her to Bellamy forever. Clarke hoped not. Because her hug was filled with warmth. The feeling of safety, protection. The feeling of home. 

She came a stop just at the tree line. Bellamy was at the gate, Echo by his side and she felt disgusted. He was talking to Abby who didn't look to happy. Kane by her side seemed to calm her though. She took a deep breath. Counted to three. Then pushed out of the tree line.  She marched towards them. Contemplating punching Bellamy in the face. No, he wasn't worth the risk of a possible injury. Or the pain.

They turned towards her, relief etching into their features. She saw the guilt on the cheaters faces and the warmth of her mothers. She wasn't mad at her mother, but she really didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. So you ploughed past them when they tried to talk to you. Giving her mother and Kane a shake of her head as she past and not even bothering to look at the other two figures. 

"Clarke wait!" she heard Bellamy call after her and hear insistent footsteps of her soon to be ex-husband. If she had a choice he would already be the official ex-husband but they need to fill out forms. Might as well get straight to it. He was getting closer and she really didn't want to look at him. To look in his eyes and see. She wasn't sure she could stop herself harming him if he tried to talk to her right now. 

As she got closer to the doors Raven appeared. Relief turning into confusion as she saw the scene of an angry Clarke stomping away as Bellamy followed like a puppy. Trying to catch her eye. She gave Raven a pointed look and the girl nodded. She understood what Clarke was asking, Clarke was overly grateful she spent a lot of her time with the girl that they could communicate without words.

The second Clarke passed her she intercepted Bellamy. If her luck would turn, he would get the message and leave her alone. Leave her to her own devices, and in the time. Write out her file for divorce. However today the world was screwing with her, she was close to their apartment when she heard his footsteps. God she was so happy she had a private bathroom. The second she got into her apartment she closed the door and locked it for good measure.

Then she went into the bedroom. Where she spent the nights at his side. Where he whispered sweet nothings to her to put her to sleep. The memories made her want to be sick. And really just made her angrier. She went straight to the small cupboard and wrenched through the desk drawers until she found what she was looking for.

She heard the rattle of keys and the unlocking of the door and she bolted into the bathroom. Closing the steel door as he opened the front. The bathroom key was a single key they leave on a hook in the bedroom. Which she had snatched as she bolted in. She looked around the room. Small metal bathtub coming out of the wall. Sink and mirror to her left and small towel cupboard to her right.

She heard knocking on her door and Bellamy calling her name. "Clarke can we just talk open the door?!" She had a feeling he was going to continue the talk even if it was one sided. So she opened the door. Just to stomp past him and slam the door in his face. Literally.

She quickly retreated next door to where she knew Wick was in his and Raven's apartment. Opening the thankfully unlocked door she jumped in as her door opened and slammed it shut. Locking the door and walking to Raven's guest room. Wick looked surprised she was there but was smart enough to read her expression and didn't bother asking questions. 

"Don't let him in" is all she says when she hears knocking from the door. He nods taking a sip of his coffee like everything was normal. He lives with Raven, its probably nothing he hasn't seen before. She enters the guest room which is just a square room with a queen sized bed with white sheets. The sun shines through the covered window. 

She hid in the room, slowly labelling out the divorce form. Raven appeared half hour later and after Clarke told her what he did, and then that she ran. She looked like she was going to beat him bloody with one of her wrenches. Which, knowing Raven is actually a possibility.

She decides to keep the Lexa dynamic to herself for now, she doesn't know why but she will. At least until she cleans things up with the Commander. But for now she will hide away in here, then sneak out without Bellamy seeing tomorrow and go and see the girl who could save her from the cold clutches of the Ark. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa

_Current Time._

She was disappointed not to see the blonde among the welcoming party. The fact that she was not plastered by hid side was already strange. However she did see someone at his side, besides his sister. One of the warriors he rescued from the Mountain. Echo. She believes. He looks guilty when he catches her gaze and is suddenly confused.

Indra greets her as she dismounts her horse. Then greets Athena, who was around when Athena was in Polis. After being greeted by her people, Ryder and Nyko among them. She was suddenly in front of the shaggy haired boy and his sister. Octavia bows her head in greeting. respectively saying 'Heda' as she returned the bow.

"Where is Clarke?" she asks the question she's been wondering ever since she laid eyes on the boy. He immediately looked sheepish "Still at the Ark" he mutters. Lexa feels disappointed that girl didn't come. Maybe she should have expected it. 

Athena is by her side, she greets Octavia and Bellamy. Before Lexa steers them towards her tent. The journey was tiring and she knows they both wish for rest. So as the afternoon sun begins to settle she enters her tent with the girl to a surprise. 

The blonde is sitting on one of the chairs next to the table. Face immediately lighting up when she sees the Commander. Who returns a small smile. Clarke gets up as Athena enters and her face immediately falls.

"Oh.. you have company I'm sorry for disturbing you Commander." She makes to leave when she stops and looks at a confused Commander. "welcome back Lexa" and she's gone. Leaving a very confused and tired Lexa and Athena in her wake.

_In the morning_

She thinks, she will deal with the blonde in the morning when she is less tired. She heads to her bed with Athena wondering how much sleep she will actually get now with Athena here.         

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke

She should have known, should have guessed the world wouldn't be that fair to her. That her and Lexa would talk things out and go from there. She was so naive to think it would be that easy. The Commander is beautiful and well respected. People would literally kill to be with her.

And Clarke rejected her, and somehow still expected her to be there. How stupid. She's back in the trees, tears rolling down her face. Her husband cheated on her and the girl she loved has moved on. The world was not fair to Clarke Griffin. 

Now she had to find a way to live with the regret that was marrying Bellamy Blake. And losing Lexa.

The World was not fair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see the cameo? :D
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed it. comment what you liked and disliked. 
> 
> Chapter 3 will be up tomorrow


	3. Manipulations of the Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe Glad you guys loved last chapter. Athena is a big part of this story i promise. You'll like her. 
> 
> Ok so I made sure to remember the cameos. this time

Clarke

Clarke decided against going back to TonDC, and instead go back to the Ark before Bellamy got back. Should give her enough time to hide away in her new apartment. She found an empty one overnight and decided to move in. By move in she means her and her sketchbooks and blanket. Which was a gift from..Lexa

She groans as she walks through the thick greenery, what was she expecting really? Have you seen the Commander? people literally worship the ground she walks on for gods sake of course she found someone to love. It constricts Clarke heart at the thought, if it wasn't her heart hurting she would laugh. The moment Clarke has her feelings in check, knows what she wants. She's to late.

She doesn't regret the 'not yet' she wasn't ready at the time. And its probably a good thing she said it considering what happened after. But she does regret her choices since she got back to the Ark. Maybe she should have stayed in Polis with Lexa. Then by now she could be Lexa's and Lexa could be hers and this nightmare that has spammed since she got back would never have happened. Bellamy wouldn't have cheated, Lexa wouldn't have moved on. And Kaiden wouldn't be dead. 

Kaiden, that was still a sore subject. She missed him, they became good friends after her time in Polis. He showed her a Lexa she never seen before. Told her of their old adventures. Even showed her how to throw a  dagger. She will never know the pain of losing a brother. Someone who was as close to her as he was to Lexa. And that may be a good thing. If it almost brought the Commander to her knees.  

Her minds recalls the past hour, the girl. The one Lexa moved on for. There was something familiar about her but she just couldn't place her. Maybe it was her heartbroken mind playing tricks but there was something off about that girl. But that is for tomorrow. Shes tired. Heartbroken and just wants to sleep away the nightmare that is the day. If Bellamy did find her in this state, well, he better hoped he didn't. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa

She didn't get much sleep. Athena kept her up a good deal of the night. But it was exactly what she needed, something that shes been craving for awhile now. Release. And Athena gave her that and she felt lighter. Like a weight was lifted off her shoulder. As she exited her tent she made her mind up to go see the confusing blonde and find out what was wrong. But first a quick stroll of her camp.

As she walked around, she noticed that many things hadn't changed. The Sky people hadn't screwed anything up. That Grounder with the weird obsession with the Sky people contraptions still sleeps on them. What where they called? Couches? she did not see the appeal. And if she had got one. It would surely be burnt. And as she quickly left one part of the woods, she also, unexpectedly learnt that her warriors don't really stray far from the camp for their...Stress relief. Apparently trees work just fine when you have a companion. She would have to question that Grounder later on what the appeal of.....Stress relief in the trees is. And ask them to continue it further from the camp next time.

The trip changed her. She knows, she feels better. Less stressed more, light. Like she can float. So she decides to go to the Ark. The walk there might be fun. With her new perspective maybe the Sky people could change her view of them. Or maybe they will forever remain imbeciles in her point of view... Well not all of them are imbeciles. She can name certain ones that aren't. One has blonde hair.

Athena joins her, the brunette wanted to see the Sky peoples home. She could give her that. The Ark had its beauty. In a weird sort of way. It was actually quite breath taking in the afternoon sun when the sun hit it just right.

The walk is relaxing and cool. No animals above knee height make themselves know, no crazed man tries to kill them. She knows a guard is following her, always is. Something she will have to get use to again. But for now she trudges on with the girl at her side. Until they reach the Ark. At this time in the day its not as good looking but she still sees the look of awe in Athena's eyes.  

They approached the open gates and are let in once quickly identified by the guards. Some Trikru kids are kicking a ball around and aiming for the space between two sticks. Clarke told her about soccer. She even showed Lexa how to play. She remembers Clarke falling over and pulling Lexa down over her, the bubbly sound of her laughter followed by the look of pure affection in her eyes when she realized their predicament. A fond memory. 

The smile that rested on Athena's features warmed her heart. she loves her dearly. She is glad they reconnected after so long and rekindled. It was one of the most important things on her list, he would want them to be happy. 

Raven came out of the Ark as they were approaching. They've been on good terms as of late. The brunette understanding Lexa had no real choice in the matter when it came to Finn. It was him or them, Lexa pretty sure some of her warriors would have turned if she refused to kill Finn. 

She smiled slightly when she saw them approaching, flicking to Athena questioningly, not recognizing the girl. She approaches them and meets them halfway, after quick introductions and a quip Raven made of Athena's name and the ancient goddess of the old times. Which made Athena roll her eyes playfully, she knew of the goddess, in fact most of the warriors quote her beauty to be of the same. She rather liked original material when it came to flirting not the repetition of the goddess beauty. However she didn't mind it, she was being compared to a 'goddess' after all.

"Clarke went for a walk, with everything going on with Bellamy I don't blame her, can't believe that asshole" she muttered the last part and looked up to two confused faces. Realization hit her that the Commander who usually stayed by Clarke's side hasn't been around for the past few months hit her and she quickly explained what had happened between Bellamy and Clarke and how the asshole still wanted Clarke, and Echo because he cared about both. Reminded her off Finn.

Lexa was not happy. How could he do that to her? If you have someone like Clarke as her partner you should cherish her, not seek out other females who have impressed you. Gears started turning in the Commander mind when she remembered something. 

"Raven does Bellamy still train with some of my warriors?" She asks, a small plan coming into play. She remembered a story Clarke read her, and in the story, A girls boyfriend slept with another. So the friends of the girl got some devious revenge for the hurt girl. She wouldn't kill him, no she was done with trivial acts like that. But her plan put a smile on her face. She would do the job of the friend and make Clarke feel better by punishing the boy. Now, where is Ryder?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke 

When Clarke returned several hours earlier she was not expecting to see a bruise and battered Bellamy in medical. Or a grinning Raven. She Immediately asked Raven what had happened to Bellamy and why she was taking such pleasure in his pain though she could guess the latter easily enough the first part would be very interesting to know.

"Well the Commander dropped by to see you, The girl she was with by the way was SO HOT, she must have plenty of fun at night." She didn't see Clarke's grimace "anyway, when I told her what had happened between you and Bel, She asked me if Bellamy still did that light training with the warriors. I told her yes and she set off to find Ryder. Long story short Bellamy should learn not to pick a fight with a sasquatch like Ryder ever again."

Raven looked like she was holding in laughter at the memory, Clarke found herself wishing she could have seen it. But she was also shocked that Lexa came to see her, with her present company, though really she shouldn't have. The girl was still her friend and Clarke hadn't been the most talkative yesterday. She decided she would go to the feast that TonDC was throwing tonight for the return of the Commander. 

Clarke wondered if she should declare her feelings to the girl, lay herself baron to the Commander and let her decide what she wants. Would that be selfish? With the presence of the girl, Athena she was pretty sure was her name. Would it be fair to the Commander. Clarke decided she would let Lexa decide. She's the one who rejected the Commander in the tent so long ago. She would leave it in Lexa hands now.

So she set of for her apartment. Thankful that Bellamy was in no shape to go tonight, didn't need him making things worse. Also after the talk she had this morning with the boy, had reminded her of Finn. How he didn't want to hurt either girl but still felt for both of them. She felt like kicking his ass. Now she was free from him, her mind clear and eager. She was so stupid to think it was Bellamy who was helping her heal. How could she have been so blind? 

She jumped onto her bed, thoughts going back to a memory she had, a favorite of Kaiden and Lexa. 

_She had been in Polis for three months, Lexa had been helping her heal. Feel normal again. She understood what Clarke was going through, And while Clarke refused to let her in the first month the second one was when she broke. Lexa held her for hours while she cried. Letting the blonde hold her and let the pain flow. Clarke found out quickly that the betrayal was a double edged blade. Both sides suffered._

_She knew Lexa decision hurt her as well, she saw it when she entered Polis. She saw it when she saw the look of both relief and pain when Lexa first saw her. It made it easier to forgive her and smash out the thoughts that Lexa had actually manipulated her. Used her feelings for her own gain, but she knew she didn't. The feelings where real. And it made it so much easier to forgive her._

_She found herself walking through the palace of where Lexa lived. The walls were beautifully decorated with furs and old swords. Even painting. Lexa had gotten the local art shop to send her supplies for Clarke as a gift. The paintings she has lined her new rooms walls with have served as a venting for her pain. She painted her father, Wells, Finn, Atom, Maya. Even Anya. The woman mattered a lot to Lexa. Filling the space Lexa's mother left._

_She had painted one of Anya, Standing in the middle of the bridge head bowed and arms and fingers outstretched as the greens of the forest and the trees bent to her will. The trees going over her head creating a circle. When she gave it to Lexa as a gift the girl actually let a few tears go in memory of her fallen mentor. Clarke felt guilty that it was her people, a fact Lexa was not happy to find out, that had ended her life. But she knew it wasn't her fault. She had tried to save Anya but she knew there was nothing she could do._

_She heard laughter coming from the room ahead. So she slowly pushed open the wooden door and peaked inside._

_The training room was square. with  a square shaped area in the middle of sand. Columns lined the corners and the roof was open above it. It was a private training room. Used only by Generals or guests of the house. Or Lexa herself of course. In the middle Lexa was drenched. the cloth clothing hugging her tightly due to it. She was looking down blinking disbelievingly. As Kaiden clutch his stomach in laughter. A small open barrel lie discarded on the floor and she realizes that Kaiden doubt the water contents onto Lexa._

_"I told you, you needed to cool off" He regains his breath as Lexa glares at him. Then she lunges, taking him by surprise and sending both into the sand. Kaiden manages to roll them but he over judges the momentum and soon their both rolling through the hard ground. Each trying to gain the dominant hand. However as it looks like Lexa's about to take it, Kaiden in an impressive show of strength uses the momentum to push himself to his feet. Lifting Lexa of the ground with him and onto his shoulder. Before she can object he starts spinning her around._

_Her laughter fills the room and Clarke doesn't think she's heard a prettier sound. When he eventually puts her down they both stagger around as the world around them refuses to obey and stop spinning. Kaiden grabs the wooden table next to one of the columns for balance and Lexa falls to the ground. Clarke lets out a burst of laughter at the clumsy display. When they both see her they have wide grins on their faces, and Clarke really starts to feel again._

 

She wonders if she will ever see Lexa laugh like that again, ever look like that again. So carefree and happy. Without him there. She vows to make it happen. She decides to dress up for the feast. Putting on a black tank top that showed of a slight hint of cleavage. A blue jacket that brought attention to her eyes and jeans to match. She looked good, and was overly anxious about the night. The decision was Lexa's.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa

The feast is well on it's way. With her warriors dancing and singing. Roasting the days hunt on the fires and drinking the ales. This is what she fights for, So her people can have this, can have fun and be free and not have to always worry. Their having fun and so is she, though she's just sitting on her elevated throne watching. Wine in hand. She doesn't mind. The smells of the hunt are just as tasteful as the food her warriors served. 

Athena sitting at the head table to her side, looks like shes enjoying herself to. Her taste buds exploding with flavor. She's had a good day, shes met the Skaikru. Walked the corridors of the Ark. Met the Infamous Raven Reyes and yesterday, briefly the legendary Clarke Griffin. She met up with old friends and even Indra looked happy to see her which was unusual because its Indra. Maybe this Octavia has had a bigger affect on the Chief then she thought or maybe its the other reason...

Lexa hears commotion at the gates and realizes that the Sky people have arrived. Well the ones who weren't already here. Like the Jasper boy and Monty. She saw Nyko leaning into Ryder affectionately as the rest of the Skaikru joined the feast. Lexa caught sight of blonde hair and smiled as she saw Clarke laughing alongside Raven and her partner. The one who chose to go by Wick. 

She is glad the girl is not suffering to badly over the poor choices of the Blake boy. Who she still couldn't believe through his chances with Clarke to the wolves. At least when Lexa did it she saved hundreds of lives. Her reason was completely selfless. Bellamy's was the opposite. Selfish desires to take more then one woman to bed. She shook her head.  _Foolish boy._

The Skaikru blended easily into the Trikru ranks having been to more then one feast in the time. The warriors accepting them easily with food and wine. As they take seats at the fire pits and tables. She sees Clarke take a seat with her companions and decides she will seek the blonde out later to see if she is OK. For now she will eat, and have fun. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke

The feast was like the others. Big and welcoming, despite the intimidating Grounders. Her people where use to them and easily joined them. Dancing and singing, eating and drinking with the rest of them. She sits down with Raven and Wick. Having spot the Grounder Commander straight away, she decides to seek her out later when she lacks her present company. 

For now she will have fun with her friends. Only having a few sips of the alcoholic beverages as she needs the courage but wishes to be clear headed for her planned speech. She was wondering for the past few hours if it was because she broke up with Bellamy that caused these feelings. A desperate plea to stop the feeling of full forced heartbreak and loneliness that overtook her two times in the past.

But she realized it wasn't, She knew she was in love with the Commander. But she thought it was the love for the Commander that made her feel the grinding pain in her chest. Especially when she thought of the what ifs. But it wasn't, it was the fact that she wouldn't allow her feelings to blossom, in fear of hurting both her and the beautiful grounder even more. When Bellamy cheated on her it just made it so much clearer. Opened her blind eyes for her to see clearer that it was Lexa at the end of the dark tunnel.

She just hoped she hasn't ruined her chances to much. Because Lexa was endgame for her. or, in the more annoying turn of events. "Clexa" as Octavia and Raven have gone by. She had told them of her feelings before she came and they both encouraged her to go for it. After Octavia berated her brother for his stupidity of course.

She passed the time with small talk with the Grounders and Arkers around hear. Trivial things like hunting and building, herbs and spices. Waiting for the opportunity to get Lexa alone. Athena had left after a few brief words to Lexa and Clarke couldn't contain the jealousy to easily. She hoped what they were wasn't serious, selfish yes she knows but she was a girl in love.

Her opportune time came when Lexa excused herself and headed off towards her tent. Clarke waited a little while before she followed. Guessing the girl was headed for her tent and hoping it wasn't for certain reasons involving the brunette, however these worries disappeared when she small a light on. In a tent. Kaiden's tent. She still doesn't know why its still standing. Maybe Lexa couldn't take it down.

She peaked inside looking for Lexa but instead found Athena. Running her fingers across the workbench and daggers on top of them. It was still filled with his personal items. Clarke was going to tell her to leave. That Lexa doesn't let anyone in this tent, or touch his stuff. Not even the Commanders...Lover? is safe from the rules. But she sees the Commander enter her tent and decides against it. She's alone and Clarke needs the time she now has.

She slips away from Kaiden's tent and walks towards Lexa's tent, Not bothering to call out. Instead stomping her feet. She knows Lexa will hear her. The Commander thankfully didn't consume much of the Alcoholic drinks as well. She entered to see the Commander sitting on her throne. Gaze landing on the Blonde as she took a deep breath.

"Clarke, It is good to see you" Clarke likes how her name always sounds reverently when Lexa says it. Like its special.

"Lexa, it is good to see you as well" She smiles shyly and the Commander returns it with her own small one.

"I am sorry to hear what has transpired while I was gone. Bellamy is a fool" Clarke almost laughs at the annoyance in her tone at the mention of Bellamy. Clarke remembers the jealousy the girl displayed when they first met. She liked knowing Lexa was jealous thinking the boy had her affections. Made the feelings more real.

'Yes, he is. But its also cleared my head" She looks confusedly at Clarke, prompting her to continue. The low lighted torch shines of her green-grey eyes and Clarke finds it hard not to lose herself in them. Her air of regal and power impressive in such casual clothes as a cotton shirt and pants.

"I know who and the Athena girl are close. And I know its really selfish to try and change your feelings for your lover.." Clarke immediately regrets her words when Lexa's eyes widen and she looks hurt at Clarke's word choice. As if disgusted at the idea and hurt that Clarke would think she would do such a bad act. She stands up and walks towards Clarke with a tense air as Clarke stops talking.

"Lover?! You think I would betray her like that? BETRAY HIM LIKE THAT!!!" she almost shouts looking overly mad. Fists clenching and un-clenching. Clarke is shocked by her words and can't say anything as Lexa storms past her looking betrayed and hurt and exits the tent. Why would she...oh no..

Her words hit her. Oh nononono. She remembers where she's seen Athena before. Where she knows her from. She panics and exits the tent, Lexa is no where in sight. So she walks fast to Kaiden's tent. She needs clarification. She really fucked up. She swings the flap open and Athena jumps, having been focused on the contents of Kaiden's trunk.

"Did you know Kaiden? before Lexa showed up to your capitol two months ago?" She asks but she already knows the answer as her stomach makes her feel sick as it swirls and her heart constricts of how stupid she was at accusing Lexa of being her lover.

Athena looks surprised. As if the answer was obvious.

'Of course I knew him. I wouldn't have 'married' him if I didn't"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE
> 
> Lexa never slept with Athena. Her 'Release' was their shared grieving of him. Her long nights where off Her and Kaiden staying up with the girl. and the "pleasurable" sounds that made her blush where when Athena and Kaiden would... you know. In his room. Next to Lexa's.   
> She 'loves' Athena cause she is family. And Lexa has finally realized it. and accepted her. 
> 
> What did you guys think? Also yes Kaiden was married. More on that next chapter


	4. Remember Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I want to and feel like initiating the feels. This chapter will be mostly flashbacks of Kadena (Kaiden and Athena) hehe. Clexa will be in there to though so don't worry.

_He first met her when he was 8. They were returning from their swim, when he saw her. He froze, eyes looking down an alleyway between two huts. Lexa followed his gaze and found a beautiful girl. About their age with fierce blue eyes and dark brown hair. He hair was short, but her smile was radiant. And even though they were only eight. Both knew of what love was. Told stories of it, told that they would both one day fall in love._   


_But the girl didn't send butterflies into her stomach like Costia did. She was actually scared she was sick when she first got them and ran home. As fast as she could. However after explaining the situation to her parents. Both of them had huge grins on their faces and went on to tell Lexa that when they find someone they 'Like' they will get feelings for them. Lexa was amazed at it, and she knew exactly what Kaiden was feeling._

_She could see him bouncing on his feet, contemplating something before nodding to himself and walking through the alley. Lexa thinks its a good idea that they changed and got dry before heading back. She can't imagine the girl liking a soaking wet boy walking up to her. The only indication that they were wet recently was Kaiden's and her own wet hair. She hangs back, enough to listen but not enough to join they conversation._

_She imagines the small armor he has on boosting his confidence as he approaches the girl at the front of a small stall. Fish lining the the top hanging of hooks, and the shelves. She sees him as he gets close and she sees her eyes glaze similar to what Kaiden's where doing not a minute ago. He introduces himself shyly. To which the girl shake her head, blushing profusely. she introduces herself as Athena of the Boat Clan._

_Athena was intrigued by green eyed boy. he was Trikru. She has only rarely seen a Trikru warrior before. Never one so young, she spends time with him,Kaiden. She shows him the rivers and the sea, he shows her the grass and the trees. He learns to fish and she learns to climb, she had heard stories of the ones who just 'Click' with you. And she imagines this boy is the one._

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_They meet again at 9. She came to Polis with her father. The Heda of the boat Clan. They were allies of the boat clan. Strong friends with the Heda of the Trigedakru. It was then she saw them. Kaiden was dancing with the girl, Lexa? she remembers the girl sticking close to Kaiden. She watched as they laughed and danced at the feast. Warriors nearby clapping to them._

_They wrote to each other regularly. Each talking about their themselves or their cities. She remembered what he told her off Polis, it succeeded it pushing past her expectations. The city was beautiful. With markets and stone buildings, even a few pre-bomb buildings still standing. Thought not taller then the small stone buildings around them. And she told him about Venice, though she spoke more of the people and history as he had already seen Venice._

_She saw the duo finish their dancing and she saw her opportunity to greet him. Walking quickly over to him she calls his name and he whirls around with a big smile on his face. Her heart does something and she finds herself wondering if she should see a healer about it, though it only seems to happen when she sees the boy. It just improves her thoughts on the 'click'._

_She danced with him. He was good where she wasn't as coordinated. But he showed her, and at the end of the night she was capable. He showed her Polis. The markets and the stalls, Art shops and partisans. Bakers and smiths, cooks and gardeners. It was nothing like Venice but at the same time the same. While half of Venice was a bunch of big ships tied together. Polis was fully land._

_They went to a nearby river, where they swam and played. Athena felt a weird tug in her stomach when the boy stripped his shirt, Not like the butterflies, it was something different as she watched him dive into the cool water, reemerging with water dripping down his stomach. She would have to question her parents on it later when she is not having so much fun._

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_  They meet several times over the years. She noticed when the spark that once shined brightly in his eyes fade, barely there. It happened time she saw him after the murder of his parents. The Ice Nation where cowards. She hated the bloodthirsty rats with a passion after one of her friends was killed by a Ice nation band of warriors.  _

_ As the years progressed her attraction and crush on the small boy turned into love. When they were thirteen. A boy was picking on her, calling her weak for not following the ways of a warrior like her father or her brother. And at one time tripped her, however her knight in dark armor and black face paint happened to be in Venice that day. And when she looked behind the bully, she saw him moving over to them, seething.  _

_The bully looked terrified when he spotted the warrior behind him. But he was stubborn to, and when Kaiden challenged him to a fist fight on the grounds if Kaiden win he leaves Athena alone, if Kaiden doesn't win Kaiden will give him a Trikru sword. He accepted, but the thick boy had forgotten how the Trikru where bred to fight. And got absolutely throttled by Kaiden. The boy didn't even land a punch. _

_ When the bully dragged himself away. She threw herself at Kaiden, he caught her. He then proceeded to give her a flower and told her of his intentions to court her when he turns seventeen. As doing so during warrior training in another city would be hard. But only with her consent as he would never force her to do anything that she didn't want to do. Of course with the beautiful blue flower he had given her in her hands that 'matched her eyes' she gave her consent. And he took her on a horse ride through the forests. She couldn't have been happier. _

_ \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She couldn't have been angrier. Here she was seventeen years old and her father wanted to basically 'sell' her to the Metal clan. As a trade agreement and alliance proposal she would be used to gather an alliance. The treaty was not yet signed, her mother wouldn't return in time to stop it. She was pacing back and forth in her room, so caught up in her thoughts she didn't hear the door open, or his footsteps. Though she doubts she would have heard the latter anyway.  _

_She stops, sensing a gaze on her. And turns towards the door. Seeing the object of her affections with a smug smirk on his face. leaning against the door. She barreled into him. Nearly knocking him over in the process as she wrapped her arms around the strongly built boy. She hasn't seen him as much the past two years as she has the earlier times. With the death of earlier in the year and the forming of the treaty under Lexa's orders he's been quite busy. _

_ She felt sorry for Lexa. Kaiden had told her much of Costia and the bond between the two. Having her taken from her and still managing to form a treaty with the cowards took strength. Having to look into the eyes of the one who killed the one you care for and not be plunging a blade into their chest would be a hard thing to do. And it has also made her worry even more for Kaiden. Who is now in a lot of danger from enemies of Lexa. _

_  But the boy can be stubborn in his protection of Lexa and has refused to fall to mere thick headed assassins as of late. Something she is endlessly thankful for.  _

_ "Good to see you to" He chuckles, wrapping his arms around her. She feels safe in his arms, a sense of belonging like the world is set. Like she was born to be in his arms, a feeling she misses when hes not here and a feeling she relishes when he is. Then the memories of the past two weeks come barreling back and she is filled with dread. If she unions with the Heda of the Metal clan she won't ever see him again. And if she does it will only hurt her.  _

_She eases of him to tell him of the news when he stops her. "I know what your going to say, I'm the personal adviser to Lexa. I know what treaties are happening where. That is why I'm here. I'm guessing you don't want to  union with him?" he already knows the answer but she tells him anyway "Well, he can't force you to if your already being courted correct?"   
_

_She remembers the promise now and instantly fills with glee with what he is proposing. A huge smile crosses her face and she nods, overly enthusiastically._

_"Well, Athena of the Boat People. I Kaiden of the Tree People. Hereby ask for your consent, to court you. Do you accept my proposal?"_

_"Yes. Kaiden of the Tree people. I, Athena of the Boat People, accept your proposal of courtship"  He smirks at her, and pulls a bow from his back. A beautifully done one at that, with dark brown wood and carvings of many creatures of the forest dotting it. He knew she sometimes used a bow when hunting. _

_ "My gift for the courtship, To protect you at the harshest times" He presses her forehead to hers as she places the bow on the small table to her side. She quickly grabs a cloth, stitched with a Black tree on it. And hands it to him.  _

_ "My gift of courtship, Declaring my favor for you over anyone else" He grins and takes her lips with his own softly, which often surprised her given how he trains and fights. With her he treats her like she is a precious gem. Like she is the reason he lives and it always makes her heart flutter. The stay that way for seconds that feel like hours and she wishes that time would freeze. Keep them in a bubble where they can only see each other, where everyone and every danger leaves them alone. So he can be hers and she can be his forever without the danger of losing the other.  _

_And she thinks of how much pleasure she is going to have when she rubs it into her fathers face that her courtship makes the still unsigned treaty void. And it doesn't disappoint. He is livid and looks like he wants to strike Kaiden down but he doesn't. Because, One, He is much faster and better trained. Two, Heda Lexa is in the room. And if he tried anything she can't imagine the punishment being light._

_  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She is Seventeen turning eighteen when they Union. Much to the pleasure of her mother and annoyance to her father. Luna was not happy with her husband and banned him from treaty propositions. But now was not the time to think of her parents. Now was the time about her, and her soon to be houmon.  _

_She saw him off, a part of the treaty that is optional is the hunt. It declares the strength of the union, You are allowed one companion on the hunt. Who is to be your right hand man for the union (Basically Best man or Maid of honor). She isn't surprised when she sees Lexa at his side. She doesn't worry. He is the Chief General of Polis after only a year of battle. And she is the Heda._

_He survived the war of the deserts by her side. And apparently his decisions during the siege of the Capital of the Desert clan lead to a easy victory. And earned him the quick promotion to General. Then with his placement in Polis and ties to the Heda. Chief General._

_She was still anxious for his return the day after as she waited by the gate. It only was an hour or two when the siblings returned with a Pauna...A PAUNA!. She was angry at him for fighting one and impressed that he actually survived. Also the complete worry that hit her when she saw the beast on the cart. She didn't know whether to hit him or hug him but the latter seemed a smarter idea at the time. He also 'Relaxed' her later that night.  
_

_The feast was huge and the Pauna was cut into a coat, Which he immediately gave to her as an emblem of his success and protection of her. The union declared strong due to the power of the slain beast and they were declared as partners by the Heda in front of everyone. She was happy. She was safe. And she had him._

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_She was nineteen when the Star fell from the sky, news reached her of the war between the Trikru and the invaders. Then the alliance of said invaders and the Trikru and the war against the Mountain, she asked her mother if she could accompany the warriors to aid in the battle but her mother refused telling her Kaiden would be fine and that the Heda and the Skai Heda were apparently a good team._

_Kaiden visited her when the war was still at a stand still. He was only their for a day but he told her of the Skai people. The leader, one named Clarke. Is smart and manipulative. He did not fail to realize how she had brought the braid to the meeting was a form of manipulation by the girl. But he did not hold it against her. She seemed intent on peace between the the two people._

_He also told her, something she wasn't to tell anyone yet. About Lexa's growing fondness of the girl. She cared for this 'Clarke' and Athena only hoped that they did defeat the Mountain. She hoped that maybe the fallen star brought Lexa's happiness with it. When she said goodbye to him the next time, she made sure to tell him how much she meant to him. She knew this was the last time she would see him before the war, and only hoped he would come back to her._

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_He did. He brought home the captives of her people who were imprisoned within the depths of the Mountain. He told her what Lexa had to do, what the Sky people did. And how much it hurt Lexa. He told her she could come with him to Polis as he doesn't want Lexa to be alone for long. Her nightmares are back and she knows Lexa needs him. The girl has lost to much._

_She accepts and travels with them. She thinks of this Clarke. If she is as she is told, surely she understands Lexa choice, but even if she did. The betrayal will not be so easily looked over. She only wished this Sky girl still cared for Lexa and found it in her to forgive her eventually._

_When they reached Polis he left, telling her he would be back tomorrow, but he was protecting the Sky girl before he was allowed to go to Venice. He promised to be back soon.  
_

_And he was, the day after funnily enough. With the infamous 'Clarke'. She could see what captured Lexa heart, the girl was stubborn and Lexa couldn't and wouldn't order the girl around. She chose to stay away from the hurt Sky girl. Opting to meet her on more pleasant grounds and when she is less mad with the Heda and everyone else._

_Even though the girl was mad, she was here. And she knew the girl was here for Lexa. Here for understanding and who better to grant it then Lexa. Maybe Lexa would be happy after all._

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She was twenty when she said goodbye to Kaiden. When she saw him off. Saying how he was attending the union, or what they Sky people called a "Marriage" of Clarke and someone called Bellamy. She knew it would be hard on Lexa to let go of her feelings for the Sky girl. It was a complicated love between the Girl from the sky and the Heda of the ground. And she offered him an invitation to join her on her next fishing trip, And to extend the invite to Lexa. He accepted and told her when he got back they would talk about moving._

_She was going to move to his place in Polis. With her Brother set to take the position of Heda when her mother passes she could go as she pleased now with nothing keeping her in Venice. And the only place she wanted to be was with him. And she couldn't wait_

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_She was twenty when her whole world came crashing down._

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Clarke 

She left Athena, who was softly brushing her fingers over a important bit of cloth. One with a tree stitched over it. She didn't have time to stay and ask what it meant, or why it was so important to the girl. Because she needed to find Lexa and apologize and beg her forgiveness. She just accidentally accused Lexa of sleeping with her sister-in-law. And god would she do anything to make it up to the Commander. 

She ran around looking for the Heda. Asking warrior after warrior where the Heda was and if they saw her. She almost gave up when she stumbled upon Jude. The warrior, once again. Was seated on their couch outside of their tent. What was it with the warrior and couches. The warrior when asked for the location of Lexa. Simply pointed outside the open gate and told her she was at the pond.

Clarke ran out of the gate, passing Jay and another warrior as they climbed down a tree, she really didn't have to guess what they were doing. And kept running until she finally reached the pond. Her lungs where burning for a break and she was panting heavily. After a minute of catching her breath she walked out to the pond. And sure enough, there was Lexa. 

The Grounder was sitting cross legged on the edge of the pond. Staring down at something on the edge. She was so lost in thought she didn't hear Clarke arrive. Clarke knew she had to handle this delicately. She didn't want to agitate the girl more then she already had. She slowly approached the girl, Who still didn't notice her. 

"Lexa" She called softly. The girl flinched but didn't turn. Clarke slowly sat down next to the girl and saw what she was staring at. In the rock edge of the pond. Was two names carved into it besides numbers.  _Kaiden 10 Lexa 10._ She guesses it was how old they were when they carved it. Of course she accused Lexa of such an act of sleeping with her sister. SO STUPID!.

"Lexa?, I didn't know Athena was his. Otherwise I never would have said such a thing. I know who have no right to forgive me and every right to punch me in the face. I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Lexa looked up and Clarke's heart almost broke at the unfallen tears in her eyes. The film looking like it would break but holding steady. 

"I remember when he first met her, We were eight and just came back from the ocean. He helped me over my fear of the water. And he saw her, she was beautiful. And he was stuttering mess. But when she left, and told him to come see her again. He was so excited about it. I still remember the look of innocence on his face when he returned to my side blushing and smiling. I miss him" The last part is accompanied by two tears. That slowly slide down the girls features in the moonlight.

"I forgive you Clarke, You forgave me for what happened at the Mountain. This isn't as hard a task to forgive for."

They stay in silence. Nothing but the sounds of the forest and their breathing accompanying it. Until Lexa finally breaks its. 

"What were you going to tell me? before I.." she trails off. And Clarke knows what she's talking about. She takes a deep breath and tells Lexa how she feels.

" I came to tell you, that, when i married Bellamy I thought I was helping us. Because I thought he cared for me, and I thought it hurt me to love you. And that it would be best that I marry him. I did have some feelings for him. But not the same as the ones I had for you. But i was so wrong. I thought it was being in love with you that was hurting me. But it was my refusal to let it blossom that was doing it. And I was so blind. But when Bellamy and Echo, You know. It made it so clear how wrong i was because when i thought of you it made the pain hurt of heartbreak hurt less. It was you making my pain go away. So, i came to tell you. That i'm in love with you Lexa. And i would understand if you didn't love me back. I just needed to say it" 

Clarke feels lighter now. Without the force of the unspoken words on her shoulders, And she watches Lexa process her words. Then lean forward and kiss Clarke. It's soft and tender and passionate and everything Clarke's been looking for and she really should have known Lexa was endgame. And her heart beats faster and her chest swells. 

The kiss ends and Lexa opens her eyes. 

"I still love you Clarke. This is true, but need time. Time to grieve. And i want to make sure that this isn't you just trying to get over Bellamy. I'm sorry for saying it might be but i just want to make sure were both clear headed before going on. It's not a no. It's a.." then a small smile graces her lips.

  
"Not yet" 


	5. Loving You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. Had a bit of writers block. 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter. It may most likely be the last

Clarke

Clarke knew Lexa needed time, she knew the feeling, so she would give Lexa all the time she needs. And just hope that she is at the end of Lexa's tunnel like Lexa is at the end of hers. But she didn't avoid the girl, no. She was her friend, and she promised herself that she would help Lexa through her grief. So she was there for the girl. Always there if she needed her there or just there to watch over her. 

She spent time with Athena. She instantly knew why Kaiden was so enamoured. The girl was strikingly beautiful. That was obvious. But it was only one of many factors. She was smart, she apparently had a small stall in the city. She was kind, offering help where it was needed. She, like Lexa. Was not afraid to get her hands dirty. Always helping even with the dirtiest of jobs. And she was basically a cloud of happiness, lighting up a room with her mere presence. Though Clarke could see the faults in the cloud, the sadness, one of loss. Clarke knows it well.

She was interested in the Sky people and was a great listener. Taking note of everything Clarke said, and in return she told Clarke of Venice. The sea and just overall beauty and power of it. And the smell, while Clarke had started calling the smell of the forests home. The musky and sometimes sweet smell of the flowers and trees and earthy aroma. Athena called the smell of the sea home, the salty smell always reminds her of home, will always be home.

She also told stories of Kaiden and Lexa. Clarke knew she needed to, it was a way of grieving. Remember the good. She told of how once they sneaked into her house. How they heard she had accidentally broke a shelf and got grounded for the day. So they climbed through the upper window and stayed with her through the day. But when her parents arrived home and they tried to get back out. Lexa missed the tree that they used to get onto the roof. And Kaiden carried her all the way to the Inn where they stayed. 

Clarke saw the softening in her eyes when she would talk about her memories. The glaze of them disappearing and reliving the memory. That's all it will ever be now, a memory. But that makes them important, makes them needed to be cherished and never forgotten. Clarke still has memories of her father and Wells. Ones she has locked into her mind and refuses to let go off. They remind her of what she has lost but also what she had. 

Athena also turned out to be quite good with daggers, specifically throwing them. Though she was Kaiden's wife and if there was anything he could do it was throw a knife. So Clarke really shouldn't have been surprised. She beat every warrior who challenged her, and Clarke was reminded of Kaiden. When Bellamy thought he was good at throwing he held an open challenge. Kaiden quickly accepted and beat him with ease. Bellamy was embarrassed for days. Though he shouldn't have been. She's pretty sure Kaiden could hit a bullseye with his eyes closed and a hand behind his back. 

Clarke decided to learn more training. Often practising with Octavia or Athena. And even Lexa when she offered. Lexa showed her how to wield a bow and hold a sword, Octavia also helped with sword practise and Athena showed Clarke how to properly use a dagger. She's seen her teaching technique before. Kaiden did the same ones when showing smaller warriors how to throw. And after a month, she was capable. And she's pretty sure Lexa enjoyed knocking Clarke down a few pegs.

It took 2 months, of grieving, of fixing. And in the time Clarke made sure to evaluate her feelings. And make sure she just wasn't using Lexa as and escape from Bellamy. She made sure to pull the feelings apart and look at them piece by piece until she was one hundred percent sure she was in love with Lexa. And she was, every fibre of her being needed Lexa. Wanted her. And she was sure of it.

She was preparing for training when the guard approached her, telling her Heda asked for her. Another thing she liked was that Lexa never demanded her presence. Always asked. So she accepted, following the guard back to the tent though she already knew the familiar structures location like the back of her hand. she was slightly nervous, Lexa hasn't 'asked' for her presence in a long time. Usually she seeks Clarke out if she wished to train or talk.

She entered the tent to find Lexa on her throne. Dagger in hand in an all to familiar scene. When she first met the girl, the differences is she's not wearing face paint and a good deal less armour. Lexa caught her eye and she knew this was it. This was were she told Clarke what they were going to be.

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Lexa

This was it, she was ready. She had needed time, to make sure nothing sad tainted the start of this. Of her and Clarke's next chapter. And she also wanted the blonde to thing about her feelings as well. Being in a relationship with the Heda is dangerous. Less so without the threat of the Mountain or the Ice nation but still dangerous. She had to make sure the blonde knew what she was getting into.

"Clarke. Thank you for coming" she made sure not to sound formal. It was them two alone, she would allow pleasantries.

"No problem Lexa, You wished to speak to me?" she knew Clarke knew why she was here.

She took a deep breath, then started her small speech.

"Clarke. I am ready to do this" She gestured between the to and saw the hope in the blondes face and almost smiled at it "But first you have to know what your getting into. This is no small thing Clarke. Being involved with me is dangerous, you life will be in constant danger and you will be seen as a weakness to me. You may choose to remain here, if you wish. But I returning to Polis soon. If you wish you may accompany me there. But Clarke. As I said, I am ready for this. But you needed to know it can be quite dangerous."

She felt a weight leave her shoulders and waited anxiously on the blondes answer. She tried to keep it out of her posture but she knew the blonde could probably see the nervousness in her eyes. They might as well be open windows to her soul for the girl. Clarke started walking up the small steps that lead to her throne before stopping in front of her. When Lexa looked up she almost gasped at the affection in the blondes eyes as she leaned down and connected their lips. 

It was sweet and passionate. One of promises of silent words and thoughts. One that told Lexa that the blonde accepted it and that she cared. And she felt better then what she has for days now. As the usual sparks of Clarke's lips against hers burn through her body and igniting her heart. She knew the blonde was ready. Now she needed to know if the blonde was going to come to Polis with her.

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Clarke

She was ready. Those words light sparks in Clarke's chest as the warm feeling of Lexa's lips against hers warmed her blood and she knew Lexa understood. Yes. She knew it would be dangerous but she loved the girl and she could handle it if it meant waking up in Lexa's arms. safe, warm. Home. She was a girl in love and her feeling where recuperated. She was happy.  

Now she had to decide if she wanted to move to Polis. She would have to leave her friends and her mother. But not permanently. And Polis was like a second home anyway, with the added bonus of Lexa being around 24/7, and this time she could kiss her when ever she wanted. She liked that prospect very much. So, Polis and Lexa. Or the Ark and her friends. Shes made her decision.

"Polis it is, as long as we share the same room Commander" She smirks suggestively and sees the slight dilating in the Commanders eyes as the smirk is returned. 

"I wouldn't have it any other way. Skai Prisa" she leans up and takes Clarke's lips back into hers. The kiss is soft and gentle, like their first. Which surprised Clarke at the time. The tough Commander was a big softie. And Clarke loved it. 

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It was a few days later when they finished packing, horses ready for the trip to Polis, to home. She hugged her friends. Promising to visit sooner or later and them returning the promise. She would miss them but she had Lexa now, a girl who loved her with all her heart. And it was worth moving to Polis for. She managed to hold her tears when her mother basically smothered her, reminding herself it isn't a permanent goodbye. She would see them again.

She mounted her horse, Lexa being her usual chivalrous self assisted Clarke even though the girl didn't need it, the gesture was sweet and in public, another figure to how much she loves Clarke. Love. Lexa is in love with her. And every time that never ceases to make her feel warm and bubbly. To be loved and cherished is a great feeling and she will make sure she makes Lexa feels the same. Make sure she says the word as much as possible. 

The Grounder in question mounts her black stallion besides Clarke. Eyes meeting, the small but fond smile gracing the Commanders features reassures Clarke's nerves. Everything will be fine. This is their happy ending, or their beginning. And right now, she can't think of anyone she'd rather have by her side then the girl shes in love with. Lexa.

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Lexa

As they slowly ride out of Camp Jaha, she gets the feeling of change. Its warm and assuring and oh so welcome. She knows why she's feeling it. Its a new chapter. A happy one in an otherwise sad book. This is when she starts living. This is when she starts allowing herself to be her. Not always Heda. She will make sure she is 'Lexa' in their house. "Their house'. Yes, the feeling is indescribable but it is a good one and it feels great. 

She is in love with the Skai Prisa. The girl who challenged her, questioned her state of mind and locked feelings, the girl who made her feel no matter how hard she tried to keep those feelings under lock and key. And she doesn't mind, because Clarke is strong and she knows Lexa. Understands her. Loves her for her. Is starting a life with her, and she can't be happier. 

This is the new chapter, a new beginning. This is when they stop just surviving. And finally start living.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue anyone? 
> 
> What did you think?


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